Self work is probably the most important work we do in our lives.
But what does it actually mean to work on yourself?
Every person expresses himself through his qualities, his talents and abilities, through his thoughts, words and actions.
Essentially someone who works with himself is the one who aims for self development, and self improvement.
If you constantly explore how to work yourself as a person, how to improve yourself everyday or at work, or how to better yourself in a relationship then you practice self work.
Self work is all about strengthening yourself and acknowledging that your power comes within. This process makes you that kind of person who keeps smiling no matter how hard life gets.
Self work is strongly related to self love.
You can’t claim to love yourself and not work towards getting to know yourself, recognizing your strengths in order to develop them, and your weaknesses and vulnerabilities in order to improve them.
Self work requires a lot of energy and to be willing to put that energy to this task you must first know how to work with yourself and realize the importance of it.
The advantages and benefits you ‘ll receive, if you dedicate time and effort to get to know and develop yourself are enormous.
Here’s the way to do it:
You must first understand yourself. That is, to think and write down( so that you can better analyze and absorb), who you are and why.
What roles do you play in life? Are you a parent, spouse, brother, professional, friend? How do you leave your mark in every one of these roles in your life? What do you give to each of these qualities of yours?
You also need to recognize what are the values you hold strongly to and how do you prioritize them?
How do you prioritize love, success, truth, understanding, honesty, forgiveness, freedom? Which one is the most and least important for you? This prioritization determines every decision you make in your life.
Know your strengths
Recognize your strengths, your abilities and talents. Recognize your positive and negative elements as a personality. What is the best way to utilize your talents? How can you improve your weaknesses? These questions need honest answers in order for our self work to be effective and productive.
Once you recognize your abilities, you will be able to take advantage of them, focus on them and develop them, in order to offer real value to the rest of the world. And read this twice:
That is one secret to success: working on something you are passionated about, and talented, best utilizing your talent to help others, offering value to people’s lives, making sure you give more than you get.
Gradually your offer will be recognized, and you will eventually end up getting more than what you give.
Recognizing your positive elements and your dynamic, improves your feeling of self worth, gives you self-confidence and self-esteem. You feel strong, capable, productive, able to offer, to give and take.
Of course let me just clarify that your true value is independent of your abilities and talents and there should be no confusion between the two.
Your value as a human being, soul and body, is unlimited, absolute and non-negotiable and is not affected either positively or negatively by external factors.
Your value is ultimate, simply your talents and abilities are the tools given to you to express yourself, to evolve and to work both for your own good and the general good.
On the other hand, working with yourself implies recognizing your weaknesses. Areas of your life where you fall behind, or personality characteristics you don’t like and therefore need to improve.
For example, I know very well that I can not easily refuse when someone asks me something. I almost always say yes and as a result I end up getting into situations I don’t want or being pressured into doing things I don’t really enjoy.
Once I recognized that, I made sure to put in some self work to change it. At first I tried to find what makes me unable to refuse and I came to the conclusion that it is my need to always be the good, obedient child who does not want to upset others.
Also behind my “yes” was constantly hidden my need to be accepted by those around me and not to lose their sympathy.
Self work has helped me realize that acceptance from other people does not determine who I am. I value myself for my values and ideals and I no longer allow the fear of criticism to affect me.
At the same time, I came to the conclusion that the actual people I want in my life are the ones who can accept me the way I am. Those who’ll respect even my denial and their opinion and love for me won’t be affected.
So self work also ensures a better quality of life, as it protects us from what oppresses us.
Self acceptance and inner peace
A basic condition of self work and self love is acceptance. Accept and allow yourself to make mistakes without self-flagellation. On the contrary, you will be able to understand that your mistakes were nothing but decisions you made at a certain time of your life, based on facts you had before you at the time.
If now you realize that another decision would be more beneficial for you, you forgive yourself, evaluate the lessons learned from your mistake and release any negative feelings about it. And that’s not all.
You now feel peace about your decisions because you understand why you made those decisions. Allow yourself to feel inner peace and tranquility.
Accept all your personality aspects, both the ones you like and the ones you don’t like, and work to improve yourself. Recognize that you are doing the best you can and being aware of this, heal any inner conflicts that you ‘ve been experiencing so far.
Forgive your mistakes because they arose from needs you had, love yourself, care for yourself and protect yourself.
Through self work you are able to trust yourself, and the power you have to create your reality using your abilities and talents.
You trust your judgment, and it works to develop me and create the best for me and for everyone.
Reflect on your childhood
Think back to your childhood years and recall good and bad experiences. Identify the core beliefs you grew up with, the rules, the family system, the love you received (or did not receive) from your parents, as they determine how you perceive and interpret the world.
What ideas did you perceive as a child? For example, they love me more when I am obedient. They admire and respect the one who has money, a big house and an expensive car, so I have to achieve these to be respected. I have to find a partner and have children to complete myself as a woman.
These beliefs really affect all the decisions you make as an adult because they are instilled in you.
Recall your main feelings as a child. Love, security, trust, fear, rejection, pride. All these have been recorded in your subconscious and guide you.
Evaluate experiences and feelings. Understand your parents’ mistakes and forgive them. Release any negative experiences, limiting beliefs and feelings that don’t benefit you in your life.
Choose those beliefs that match who you want to be today and choose carefully the emotions you feel. Now you are the master of yourself.
Consciously take responsibility for each one of your experiences.
You are the guide of your life and no one but you can affect your value, your strength, your joy, your freedom, and the love you feel.
Those elements exist inside you, and are not affected by the opinion of others and their actions, not even by your own failures.
Eliminate the victim mentality, and focus on your issues to make beneficial decisions.
This way you increase your self-esteem and self-confidence and determine your future and your personality.
Autonomy and happiness
Self work will help you create the reality of your life on your own.
You begin to realize the real power you have as a spiritual being and you take responsibility for your own life, for all the good and bad things that happen to you.
You stop charging mistakes and omissions to your parents, spouse or friends.
Because you understand that the expectations you have from them are your own needs, which you expect others to meet.
You gain self-knowledge. You feel complete, autonomous, you know you are a strong woman / man, you do not ask anyone to give you value, strength, security.
You are entitled to happiness. Everything you need is inside you. And the more you find it, the more you attract it into your life.
MELANIE EDJOURIAN says
Recognising our strengths and weaknesses is very important. Once we know where we need to work on we can focus on making improvements.
Amber Myers says
I love this. I am all for being happy. I make sure I have self care daily so I don’t lose my mind.
TARA PITTMAN says
This sounds like a great way to get some self-care. I should apply these steps to my day.
This quarantined life does give you a lot of quality to do some self-work including self-care, personal development, improving existing hobbies, learning new hobbies and improving your relationship with those closest to you by asking those deep and meaningful questions.
Great steps and tips! I agree, happy life is possible under any circumstances
These are great steps to follow for a self care journey. Self care does contribute a lot of happiness.
Paula Richie says
Acquiring new skills and knowledge is the best guarantee for an uncertain future. People who learn, grow, are adaptable and embrace change find that success is not a possibility–it is a fact.
Happiness is so hard to define especially now at this time of Covid. We all need to look for a positive side of everything.
Jessica Joachim says
I feel like acceptance is the hardest for me… I am always wanting to work and do something to improve myself but sometimes I need to realize I need to rest and love myself as I am.
Kelly Bolen says
Something I need to work on more regularly! I am trying though! I am better now than ever before, but when work gets in the way, well I fall off the wagon! I need to be more consistent!
Marci @ The Southern Smiths says
I think self-work is an extremely important part of self-care. Self-care isn’t only about bubble baths and meditation!
So true Marci! Self Care is mostly about self work and inner peace!
Cindy E Ingalls says
These are great tips for self care. I need at least an hour to myself once a day. That said, i don’t have kids in the house anymore.
Hi Cindy! It’s so important to be able to have some time only for yourself! I really treasure those moments!
blair villanueva says
The best valuable lesson I’ve learned from life is that no matter what hard and tough adulthood is, it is still a wonderful journey. And never forget our inner childlike heart.
Latte Lindsay says
Self work and care has been pretty important over the last few months.
That’s nice Lindsay! We should always prioritize self work! it’s so important!
Believe me, I really wish if I would have seen this post earlier. I really needed it!
So happy you liked it! Self work has really helped me to deal with several issues in my life!